In a stunning development this morning, God invoked the "one nation,
under God" clause of the Pledge of Allegiance to overrule last night's
Supreme Court decision that handed the White House to George Bush.

"I'm not sure where the Supreme Court gets off," God said this
morning on a rare "Today" show appearance, "but I'm sure as hell not going to
lay back and let Bush get away with this bullshit."

"I've watched analysts argue for weeks now that the exact vote count
in Florida 'will never be known.' Well, I'm God and I DO know exactly
who voted for whom. Let's cut to the chase: Gore won Florida by exactly
20,219 votes."

Shocking political analysts and pundits, God's unexpected verdict
overrules the official Electoral College tally and awards Florida to
Al Gore, giving him a 289-246 victory. The Bush campaign is analyzing
God's Word for possible grounds for appeal.

"God's ruling is a classic over-reach," argued Bush campaign
strategist Jim Baker. "Clearly, a divine intervention in a U.S. Presidential
Election is unprecedented, unjust, and goes against the constitution of the
state of Florida."

"Jim Baker's a jackass," God responded. "He's got some surprises
ahead of him, let me tell you. HOT ones, if you know what I mean."

God, who provided the exact vote counts for every Florida precinct,
explained that bad balloting machinery and voter confusion were no
grounds to give the White House to "a friggin' idiot." "Look, only 612
people in Palm Beach County voted for Buchanan. Get real! The rest meant to
vote for Gore. Don't believe me? I'll name them: Anderson, Pete;
Anderson, Sam, Jr.; Arthur, James; Barnhardt, Ron..."

Our Lord then went on to note that he was displeased with George W.
Bush's prideful ways and announced that he would officially smite him
today. In an act of wrath unlike any reported since the Book of Job, God has
taken all of Bush's goats and livestock, stripped him of his wealth and
possessions, sold his family into slavery, forced the former
presidential candidate into hard labor in a salt mine, and afflicted him with
deep boils.
Dick Cheney will reportedly receive leprosy.

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